I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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