I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
