Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
