I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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