I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
