Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
