My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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