woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
