i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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