between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
