But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
