You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just gift wrapped bread.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
