should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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