Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
