this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
