you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
