She's JV to your varsity
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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