god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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