Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
