I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
