Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
