Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
