Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
