You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
