Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
