You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
