You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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