Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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