Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
