Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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