My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
