I CAN MOONWALK!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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