got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
