Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
