I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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