I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
