I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
