Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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