i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
