dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Your dad touched me again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
