Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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