U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
