i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
