I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
