So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
