your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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