You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
