I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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