Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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