If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
