I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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