I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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