do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
